I had a very clear moment tonight.
After I graduate this coming spring and receive my bachelors in english education (hopefully anyways) I plan to take my graduation money and (after burning man '10) travel to the East. Search... and find a sustainable living environment. And by that I mean, a place where I can receive at least one meal a day, water, and peace and quite - in return for manual labor, be it whatever form or service. As long as I feel comfortable and the relationship is mutual ... this is how I want to spend my final days/months/year(s?) in third dimension, physical form, raw deep feeling - attachment.... losing its worth. I need to write some poetry and invoke the muse = my higher self, self.
I love you all. And I thank everyone, who ever was, wil,l and always has been, for this moment.
Speech/Language is such an incomplete set of symbols and arbitrary forms to express such infinite ideas and concepts - its really the root of a lot of our problems, i think... but thats beside the point.
I want/need/feel the urge/deja vu/nostalgia/comfort/confide and reside in, this.
Life. My disgust toward money and the "system" torments my capacity to act sane in this world we blindly call reality. I give thanks to inspiration, imagination, love, and truth. Wow, what a word, truth. I can't accept Shakespeare's notion of reducing a word to nothing more than, a word. He did 200+ years before existential philosophy came about (Sassure, Derida, etc. etc) Not to mention those crazy guys, Neitzsche, Kiggregard I cant spell... Sartre is the man... Plato got it going, I want to take it back... back past Thales of Miletus....
Everything is made of life. Nothing is void. Void does not exist. Where we call "void" only exists potential. Darkness only exists for the possibility that it might one day/moment be filled with light. Language only exists for the same reason religion exists. Mere attempts to define incomprehensible ideas in sadly, comprehensive-arbitrary word/forms. When I think of higher realms of existence, I do not need words to describe it. For in that attempt, I am (for lack of a better word) failing to encompass all that it has to offer. It=higher realms of existence/afterlife/ascension/etc.etc.etc... Offering, meaning comprehensive ideas. I mean, think about... we try to define our "reality" using science/math/faith/spirituality/doubt/what-EVER sutits YOU. IT DOES NOT MATTER. THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS. I have felt these truths since I was 7 years old.
Something is coming my friends. I do not know what. I know that something is going to happen, and we will all experience this event because we want to/we need to/we choose to. Sometimes I doubt things, sometimes I judge, sometimes I lie. I am human. We have years and years of negative momentum resting on our shoulders, and we are tired of carrying the weight. We are tired. We need a brake. We need to break free, and we will.
I have hope, if not for reform and justice, ending duality based thinking. Leaving this... this is over.
We have done much, and much still has to be done. I ask of you not stop walking in one direction, and accept all possible paths. Judge. Judge which path is yours. Find your way. The harder it gets the more you should smile. The easier it gets the more you should stay alert and question, why. Never, ever stop asking why. Unless you feel you no longer have the need to.
I am human. I have life flowing in and out of this body every second of every day that is has been breathing on this earth. Someday, this will end. When that day is come, my energy, my life, my MY, my I - will leave. It will spread - like air spreads over land, like paint over canvas, like a drop of water over a pinpoint. Space has no end, the cosmos are the playground for energy. For building, creating, living. Endless space means endless possibility, endless forms of creation, endless senses. You think we have 5? 5 is just a number. Why cant we taste what we see? Oh yea... we can!!! INteresting... Can you hear what smell? Of course you can!
I am ready. This moment of clarity brought to you by..(blank) ((30 seconds of silent contemplation)
I guess I am not ready to connect fully, connect? I don't know but the last 20 mins or so have been so clear. Ill read this tomorrow. Goodnight all