why goodbye

[Rainbow Warrior]

Well a friend from saviors told me that he didn't know wheter to believe in my blog about sharing some events on life because it all looks so amazing that he doesn't know how to believe i wasn't using drugs...well i though maybe all of you may think the same, so i wrote this to him and now i write this words to all of you:

"i want to be free and that the ones i love let me follow my path without trying to use me like an object or something.
the problem is that i never think of myself only on others and i never do what i want but what others want.
i'm not selfish i only don't believe in me enough to raise and stand up for my life."


"what i wrote on saviors is the absolute truth.no i don't use drugs and truly hate it and don't understand why others do it.
and i simply can't stand to be next to someone that is using drugs,
my friends never understood why i hate it so much but i really do.
i don't need it to be something or to see or feel things.
believe or not.
i only needed to speak once and for all about my life and those things only my grandmother and husband know.
i am a bird prisioner in a cage of my own device,i know.
i got no self estem and let everybody use my life the way they want.
i know what i got to do, but that means i'd loose people on my way because they also don't aprove and don't want to let me go.
do you understand?
i don't want to be without my daughter and i just can't stand anymore being lay down on a bed and seeing life pass through my fingers and my heart calling me all the time to do what i know i'm supposed.
Can anyone understand the big problem i have in my life?"


so i have to choose.can't run anymore.i'll keep living like this or i remember once and for all who i am.
i know i have to stop smoking and eating shit food it's the only way to clean my body and raise my energy again.
but i also need to feel strong enough to go on and to know the ones i love also love me and respect my decision.that is the problem,they don't or simply they are affraid to loose me.but they will never loose me,they will have finally and once and for all the real ANA.
is that so hard to understand that love is freedom,respect,honesty and support?Am i wrong thinking this way?i don't own anyone why they think they own me?
i am light and darkness.i am the world and the world is me.

why can't anyone understand me?i can't believe i'm 30 years old and still have to feel like a child asking"can i please go out with my friends?" all the time to another person with the same age.
how could i let my life turn into this?


i will blow!
so i'll stay away.

[Ciska]

I wrote & released a book last week calling the : rainbow warriors .
I started it 20 years ago and in that time, nobodies knew what was it about. just a few year ago i found the creek prophecies and i knew then that i was not crazy :)
the book speaks about 4 persons who once had some different experiences and their way and path to learn so much... a true story, including mine...
I publish it for the kids that i work with, to tell them that there are things more normal that they think ... they are not lunatics or idiots or anything like that... they just are the new warriors and (we) they came to change the world!!!
Just hope they can understand the message through my own life... my search and my pain... and prepare them for the coming years, even if its just to be ... there.
Love and Light to all bless people who can See, Feel and Sense

In Lak'ech

[Besimi]

RAINBOW WARRIORS : Now needed more than ever. ...much love to You Rainbow warrior,sweet friend.

[Besimi]

You are beautiful and so much loved precious girl. :):):) It will always be so nice to have you with us.

[Free Spirit]

Rainbow it is up to us to spread the word not to worry about what others think of us they will come around when it is there time. We all just take what we need and leave the rest for another time.Other people don't have to believe in you you have to start believing in yourself.We are all a part of God and have his power's and light we just have to learn how to use them again.Follow your true heart and don't stop spreading the true message it is still needed if not for one for others.Love and Light Always.

[simpleman]

For now, there will always be idiots and hecklers . They are the glitches in the program that cause disorder and confusion, but that is their purpose, to help us see, to keep us in check and help us progressed in our spiritual development. If you say you dont use drugs, I believe you. If you did use, I would still love ya the same. Its what dwells heart that counts. We are all on a spiritual path, on many different levels, making errors and mistakes and learning from them, it's part of life's teacher. Keep sharing the wisdom and shining the light. It doesnt matter what people think. We are to plant the seeds of wisdom. Some seeds take longer to grow, stay dormant for a while, till the correct timing.

Rainbow, do whats best for you. You have the tools to build your reality, build it the way you want it.
Im thankful for the time and energy you have shared with us. No matter what you do, you will be ok.

Kindness and understanding is the basis of love.

Peace Love and Wisdom to you, Rainbow
SM

[CrystalClear2313]

Rainbow Warrior I believed your story, I didn't feel like you were making it up.
I can relate with you in so many levels is almost bugging me out!!! have a similar life were none really understand me and I have to ask for permission too.
I smoke too and eat not as healthy as I would want to.
I wish I could talk to you more and share things with you maybe it will be a good thing for you and me...
Wishing you luck and sending you love Sister
My email is [e-mail]

[Golden_Angel_K]

Thanks for the gift of your friendship. It was a honor to met you.

[Rainbow Warrior]

thank you.there are no big idiots,i understand how hard it is to believe in something we don't see or don't touch.
and for my friend kreemly who always is the first to say what he thinks of me,i want to say thank you for sharing your opinions with me and friendship.
it is hard to be me...but it's even worst to hide myself.

[Trudy]

Those who said to you that you are on drugs is a BIG idiot. There is much jealousy going on our Earth and people often give a comment which makes no sense at all. You're a wonderful honest woman with a big heart. You spoke from your heart and I am very proud of you. Obviously it is important that you find your way. And believe me, you will eventually get there where you should be. I'm 51 and I'm still searching in myself, I often find myself in dilemma, I often be afraid of my own mind, but meditation brings a good outcome. You have nothing to be ashamed, you must be strong in your conviction to always do the right thing but it is a long way. I would recommend using an affirmation to yourself to speak in that which you find that you fails. Go do what you need to do but do not disappear from our lives, because you're too precious for us. Your experience with your subconscious that you've recognized your heritage, it gave u your awareness on the one hand but on the other hand it makes u insecure. Work on your self confidence and believe in a good outcome and come back to tell how many progress you have made. I believe in YOU...Sweet Ana stay strong.