Friday, December 11, 1998
Can you be sure that your cat is not really an alien in disguise? The aliens have been here for years and it's possible that the pet you have loved could be, in fact, an alien.
To find out if you may be harboring an alien, answer a few of the following questions and check the bottom of this article for the reasons behind the questions. The answers may startle you.
Does your cat....
like to climb trees?
show a strange curiosity for household appliances?
like to build complex models of advanced machinery?
display violent tempers and mood changes?
sleep in odd places like the kitchen sink?
speak in foreign languages?
use the toilet instead of the litter box?
like to solve complex mathematical equations, especially calculus and trigonometry?
like to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?
make obscene gestures at police officers and other figures of authority?
sometimes disappear into thin air after it causes trouble?
If you answered "yes" to any of the above questions, you may have an alien cat. I urge you to apply the lemon test immediately. Here are explanations for the previous questions:
It is believed that the alien home planet is very forested and the trees help relieve the alien cats of their homesickness.
The aliens are trying to learn about our home defenses. They are checking out all the machinery in the house to see if it can be made into a weapon.
Obviously the aliens are very intelligent, and this shows that the cat is more intelligent than the average housecat, which can only build simple models.
Tempers and mood changes
The despicable aliens are prone to raging tempers and mood changes, unlike humans. One minute they are sleeping in your lap, the next they are hissing at you.
Sleeping in odd places
The kitchen sink and other hard, cold surfaces remind the aliens of their sleeping quarters aboard the mother ship. The dampness also invokes memories of their home planet.
Aliens are masters of many tongues, and can speak any language that they hear for more than 60 minutes.
Aliens refuse to embarrass themselves and use primitive methods such as the traditional litter box.
A favorite hobby of the aliens is solving complicated mathematical equations. Take note of these equations as they may provide clues as to the whereabouts of their homeworld.
Peanut butter and jelly
Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are the most common delicacy on the aliens home planet.
The aliens may believe they are in jeopardy when confronting figures of authority. This also goes back to the temper issue.
The aliens are cowards and refuse to fess up when they are found to be responsible. The disappearing act is simply one of their natural abilities to blend into their surroundings.
-- contributed by staff writer Hiroshita