Having a hard time with myself

[Aaron]

I've been really trying to be strong and positive, but i feel that my old self is breaking down. I feel like i'm going through a slow death is what it feels like, mainly because it might be the ego dying. I'm not sure but Lately i'm having a hard time loving myself, Of course i love other people but it's like there is nothing in this world that brings joy into my life. I have pretty much no friends other the ones i talk to online and on here Saviors of Earth. Half my family believes i'm a little nuts or might need help. There are nights i feel like giving up on life, and then there days that i feel wonderful and nothing bothers me.

I've done so much studying on these topics of Ascension and Conspeirices, reading books like a new earth and so much more. It seems like i'm so into learning and understanding information but i can't use that information in my daily life. Letting go of the ego is easy said but not easy done. I spend hours everyday studying and learning but it just doesn't sink in my mind. I've always had a hard time learning and focusing on the important things in my life. I want do whatever it takes to help others but at the same time, i'm not helping myself. I've been listening to Brad but how he's been able to let go and learn more about himself, I've been working that for a long time. I feel i've gotten no where or improved or changed.

I made it clear to myself that as long others are prepared to Ascend i'll be happy and that i help others. I just feel that i'm not going to make it, i'm not going to be able to let go of that ego now matter what i do. It's not like i don't know the truth, i know i'm light and i know i'm love, but experience love bliss and joy is on a whole another level of truth. I continue to Meditate daily i continue to try so hard to love myself and trying to find what i love to do the most, other than my family and 2 cats. I'm talking about finding the joy in my life and finding my passion.

I'm not asking for anyone to feel sorry for me, I already know i have to work this out myself since i believe in free will, but i just don't feel i'll make it. For starters if you don't eat the right foods you won't ascend, eating fruits and vegatables helps but I'm not totally on Vegatables only fruits. I still eat the food that is not good for you. There are alot of other Variables for Ascension but that's for starters. I don't believe i'll be able to change my eating habits.

I"ve been asking myself this question for over a year now, why is it so hard for me to learn and to change? I don't believe i'll ever get that answer, I know you must inside to find your answers and i totally believe that but that is so difficult when your body won't allow you to sit still or be calm.

I have this shaking problem all in my body, but mostly in my hands so this really hurts me when i'm trying to relax and meditate. I've gotten no feelings no answers, no insight, and no experiences meditating as of yet. Relaxing is the key i believe i know that my body won't allow me.

So I guess i feel like i'm giving up on Ascending, for now i'm working on helping others and sharing information and do what i can to help as many Ascend as possible.

Thank You all for reading, You are all so wonderful on this community, I wish there were others in my area that are loving and caring like all of you, but there isn't, i'm surrounded by negative people except for my mother. If i could move i would, bills and debt and my cats are keeping me here as well as my mother. A beautiful Tropical island could be nice, since i hate the cold weather.

Much love to you all

Aaron

[Sara the Ultimate Crime Fighter]

Don't try so hard. You will only hurt yourself when you do that. Believe me, everything is fine.

My personality has died before. Well, a few years ago I use to be a completely different person, but then something happened and I had to completely eliminate myself and completely start over. I still have a few pieces of my old self still, and I still have the memories. Those were some sad times.

I suppose if your ego is dying, it will be very difficult to go through. Your ego will be screaming for help and will do everything within its power to save itself. Now I personally believe that ego is not an entirely bad thing. So it's your choice whether to kill it or not. But if you choose the former, then it will probably be a very difficult process.

[AndrePaz]

Hmm don't get stressed *hug*, what you eat does not make you a bad or good person, so don't stress about eating habits. The fact that really stress... is when you have to enlighten others... that's what really matters.

Take care, and think and improve your capacities, the gifts you were born with.
<3<3<3
lots of love and light for you, bro, namaste!

[Golden_Angel_K]

Hey man !! don`t give up. You count with yourself, with me and all this community of light that brings you everyday new information for you grow up in knowledge. But the thing that i want tell you is that you have to stop doing all this that you are doing and spent more time with youself.

This negativity that you are feeling is a believe or thought that is causing you feeling like that. You have to Change your believe system, i mean your thougths patterns. You could say, How can i do that? well you have to do this:

First, Think in your thoughts. Are they provoking you feel bad or feel good? Do they motivate you ? or Do they make you feel angry, depressing? . I mean all that you have to do is identify what your thoughts makes you feel at first step and then you have to write them down in a paper.

In second place, you have to Change your patterns of thought. After write down your thougths, change them for others that motivates you, others that make you feel better with much energy !

I hope that you apply this in your life !

Good luck

Love and light !

Namaste

[Ullan]

Dear Aaron.

I remember you felt this way not too long ago, and I'm hoping you have had days where you felt better in between. Rather than letting another energy do the talking for me, I'm going to keep it in check for now and smooth down some of the rougher edges of the message that is being whispered in my ear right now.

Just like you, I don't much like the cold. If I had my choice, I'd be living nearer to Hawaii, but for now London will have to do. But the cold doesn't bother me, in the end. It is simply something that is, and something I cannot change. Moving isn't an option for me either, so rather than being put off by the cold, I accept it as almost a gift, enjoying it on the level that it reminds me of that warm island I have in my mind's eye, where I'll eventually end up and never have to worry about the cold again. But to appreciate warmth, you first need to know the cold.

It's the same really with Ascension. My own personal turning point came roughly 14 months ago, when I completely shattered. My hopes, my dreams, my visions of the future, my savings, my personality, everything imploded in on itself and fractured into pieces too small to ever be mended. But what was hidden underneath was far better than what that shell was concealing. But as with all shellfish, what was underneath was weak and brittle for a long time.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is, and what someone is trying to make me say right now, that in order to know your highest high, you first have to find your lowest low. Take stock, take heed, proceed. Remember that the future is only as important as the moment you live in now, and rather than looking towards something which is perceived as 'better', be in the moment of now and accept that this future you envision will eventually materialize. Hope is the one anchor you have in these choppy waters, and yes it's going to kick and drag for a while, but as soon as you cut the rope the ride is only going to get rougher.

Furthermore, relaxation is sadly not something you can practice. Trying to relax negates the state of relaxation. The shaking and hurt while relaxing has me rather worried, and I hope this is not the result of a pre-existing medical condition. If it isn't possible to relax while doing nothing, there are many more ways to relax and put your brain into 'idle' while doing something simple. Odd example, but if you cannot physically sit quietly and relax because you start to shake, try sitting quietly while petting one of your cats, and closing your eyes while doing so. They are intelligent animals, and very loyal friends to the right people.

As I feel I'm about to go off on a very long tangent, involving felines and their therapeutic qualities, I'll end this message here.

Be well, Aaron, and feel free to contact me if you wish to talk.

[Aaron]

Sara, Simone, AndrePaz, Steve

Thankyou all for your help and your words, Yes it's been a difficult time for me but i believe i'll be able to pull through for Ascension maybe right now i'm not ready. I just broke down in tears and so frustrated, i'm really trying to be more aware of my thoughts and feelings, because i'm very emotional alot more than some think. I have to be more appreciative for what i have at this moment, and i'm very grateful for all of your comments for starters. I'm grateful for the bed i have and the roof over my head and for my family, and my 2 cats.

when i'm ready to make the great changes in my life i will

I can't really get off of meat totally, i can go with out it for maybe a week or 2 but that is it. Everywhere you go is meat even in salads, subs, pizza and everywhere.

To share my love with you all, i have a video on my blog on how to develop free energy from a solar panel which will be posted later today. With a little bit of cost you can build your own, and it is very simple.

Whatever happens to me i'm going to stay positive no matter if i make it or not. I'm also going to volunteer this christmas on serving dinner as well as other ideas i have in mind.

You are all in my heart, and i love you all


Aaron