Zen Guide to Life by Maharishi Fattifatbastard

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Zen Guide to Life by Maharishi Fattifatbastard

  David

25 March 2006

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- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

- The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it.

- Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.

- Don't aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

- Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.

- Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

- If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments


- Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.


- If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.


- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.


- Have you ever lent someone $20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it.


- If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.


- Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreen.


- Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.


- Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgment.


- The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.


- A closed mouth gathers no feet.


- There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.


- Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving.


- Never miss a good chance to shut up.


- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.


- When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our arse. From there on in, life gets worse


- The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.

- Remember not to forget that which you do not need to know.

https://www.davidicke.com/article/136386/455-zen-guide-to-life-by-m...