whats the point?

[Vaddix]

My mood changes alot. Yesterday i was happy, i was learning alot of cool things. Today i just woke up depressed, drained, i just didn't want to talk to anyone. I know why as well. Everytime i get my hopes up, by trying a new technique, trying to quiet my mind, try to talk to anyone out there that can help me ascend, i dont get anything. Nothing. For six months i have followed this. I agree with the truth and a the wild outlandish story that goes along with this cult. But today i just woke up, and thought whats the point? why bother? Its not like anythings worked so far, it's not like there's a shred of comprehensible proof about this cult, although from a year of studying its pretty probable.

Im just frustrated cause Ive been with this for six months now and the only difference i feel is im less judgmental( and weirdly my eyesight has improved). I cant channel although Ive tried it, quite a few times, the frequencies don't do jack s**t to me, not even a head ache.. I cant meditate though Ive tried like a billion times. Ive read all the stories, tried directly asking the gfol or anyone who new me in a past life to come forward and tell me what direction i should be going in, how can i connect to my higher self, but nothing.
My whole time here Ive learned alot of stories, but that's all im seeing. Stories! i cant base any of this on fact if i cant feel it myself. I'm like Christianity's Judas. I cant fully beleive something unless i see it working to some degree with my own eyes.

There so many people going oh how wonderful i can talk to trees, i can see auras, i talked to my dead grandmother, my spirit guides contacted me, i know my past life ect.

NOTHING. I mean nothing out of the ordinary has happened to me at all. Im starting to think the higher beings just don't give a s**t about me.
PROVE ME WRONG HIGHER BEINGS. SHOW ME SOMETHING! i dare you!

God ive been screaming inside for years for someone to show me that there's at least a little bit of magic in this world, and not just corrupt politicians, and assholes who only want my money. I feel like im slipping back into my depression again, and i don't want to be back there.
Im starting to think the whole concept of religion is just a weakness of man for his inability to accept that we really are alone.

[Vaddix]

thank you everyone. Ive got so many responses. I didn't think many people would read this. Well ive decided to continue with this even though it is frustrating at times. But to be honest im not exactly a good model for things to happen. Im way outa shape, I do get depressed alot. once so bad it actually hurt. like it was physically painful, ha ha now i cant get life insurance:( sucky insurance companies. Oh well im still younge.
I guess im just finding it hard to get out of the negative, since there is so much negative around me. I am truly happy for thos that are experiacing all these wonderous things

[goldenlotus]

For what itz worth---------I too have tried "meditating" countless times... And for the most part-------uh, I either fall asleep, get bored, or simply-----cant shut out the incessant brain chatter--- Ironically, I have found that after a physical activity like yoga (when I have done it...) or even half an hour of EFT (did that for a few months) that---------poof! my brain was in a different place and THEN I was able to feel a calm & centering & yea, I guess experience "meditation."
As for seeing auras & talking to this discarnate entity & so on-------not so much THOUGH I have felt plenty of energies around and some not pleasant at all-------------to the tune of not being able to sleep in the nighttime hours for months on end...ANd then, it would go away as mysteriously as it came & I'd be able to sleep at night again.
Who knows? So many variables and different this and that.
As the last person has commented on here--------I too have struggled with some stubborn depression at different times... Hey, it even left me for a good long while there and I thought maybe just maybe it was
gone forever... It eventually got triggered again. And any number of things can do it----------bad diet---lack
of nutrients, broken relationship, loss of job, death of a loved one, watching too much of the evening news...
and so on.
What I have to say is this: you are not alone. we ARE LIGHT if we would only----------------SEEEEEEEEEE
& know that yes, sometimes there are tears...
take care. love, ~goldenlotus

[Dana]

Hi David, I can relate to how you feel. I've been there and truly there is no hope. All there is, is choice. Shake off the expectations of what you THINK you should be doing and allow yourself to FEEL. I can't do any of the things you mentioned either, except just yesterday I experienced channeling in just the briefest of energy, but it gave me great joy. I've been seeking most of my life, and it's only in the last few months that I've been truly awakening. I found a lot of comfort in watching the Saint Germain videos on YouTube channel messagesfromwithin. Check it out with the intent to feel and you may be surprised.

I've had depression most of my life, at times very debilitating and soul crushing, feeling nothing but numbness. It's not easy to rise out of the negativity I know, but considering the choice of Joy or misery, it's worth the conscious effort. Also, check out the video Aaron added called Wave of Love. Intentionally, dramatically, speak outloud as they do on the video, and let the energy just fill you.

I know it may be different for you in your experience, but I can't express enough how important it is to feel. That's been a real breakthrough for me.

Much love and encouragement
namaste :)

[BlueCosmicNight]

I really know what are you talking about! This is normal reaction of ego (competition). You envy that everybody around you has signs, powers and "they're in". I have the same kind of feelings sometime. It takes time and lots of frustration. Usually I make a break from all of this. I do something that I really love. Meet friends on poker, play games, watch movies. DO something that is not connected with ascension, spirituality and all this stuff. After a while when you foreget a little about all this stuff you'll start missing and will come back with new strenght.

[Sara the Ultimate Crime Fighter]

Sometimes I feel that way too. Sometimes I feel like everything is all in my head and I'm just in some creepy cult with a bunch of crazy people over the internet who I don't know and that I'll probably get net-raped or something. I'm a skeptic with a lot of stuff in the new age movement. I honestly don't really know if there is some Galactic Federation of Light or channeling or any of that stuff. I actually kinda think I'm schizophrenic myself. I mean, I'm seeing these things that follow me around and I think I have special powers. Those practically scream that I'm a nut case xD

But what really helps me get through all that is realizing that if none of that is true, then what is? We know absolutely NOTHING about anything. The idea of Heaven and Hell is just as crazy as a lot of the stuff we talk about here. I don't know, I'm kinda rambling. But when you genuinely realize how small you are yet at the same time how everything is connected so closely, the sky seems to open up. It doesn't matter if you can read people's minds or whatever, you just have the amazing feeling of knowing. You will finally realize that you aren't alone at all.

Cause you really aren't. No one is :)

[CrystalClear2313]

If you didn't believe you wouldn't be wondering why?
So I say my friend, just let go of the ego and let your higher self do the Magik.
our frustration is normal I get it too but I also get the rewards, just keep working don't give up we are all different we all are goping to ascend at different pace. my best advice is do not expect just be and believe...
LOVE & LIGHT

[sunbeam]

*and your eyesight . . .

[sunbeam]

David,
Have you ever watched any of the David Wilcock's videos? He says we dont' have to do anything to ascend. We just have to be one who is full of love and service to others. His website is divinecosmos.com. Check it out. Also, if you google the Disclosure Project, you can hear some absolutely wonderful testimony from people who KNOW the truth of what's going on.

Don't try so hard to be where others are - your progression will happen as it should. Any your eyesight has improved slightly, right? Can't be all bad. Hang in there, the best is yet to come!