Purifying I love you, but you don't love me.

[LightsEdge]

Hello Beloved Ones. I have decided to write about my path. Perhaps through sharing of my own healing and purification that others might heal as well. I am not out to change anyone with these blog posts. If it stirs something in you then great. If you feel there is nothing in it for you then that is great too. Please walk the way that you feel in your heart is correct. I Love All of you dearly. May we all simply be the Shining Being of Pure Love that we are.

 

Last evening my energy levels started to fall after a friend forgot her appointment with me. The day before we agreed that I would introduce juicing to her at 7 pm.  The mind had all kinds of thoughts about the meaning of her forgetting. The mind said, ‘Well she obviously doesn’t like you or appreciate you otherwise she wouldn’t have forgotten.’ Then I stopped that line of thinking dead and went deep behind that hurt. I want to fully get what had been suppressed. It was the old, ‘I am not lovable and desirable shtick.’. It was that hurt from hundreds of lifetimes of ‘I love you, but you treat me like trash instead of loving me. Why should I love you if you are going to hurt me? I am not enough to be loved by you.’ I dove deeper and deeper to feel at that pain completely rather than old suppress it. After fully gotten and acknowledged that hurt across lifetimes I was ready for the next step.

 

The next step is turning Awareness by on ItSelf. Doing that if it can be said one is doing anything at all is always interesting. It takes the personal ‘I’ out of the picture. Once you get that you are not the thoughts or the hurt Grace simply melts it all away. Having done this many many times it is absolutely clear to me that hurt exists because I identified with all the thoughts, beliefs and emotions which gives the hurt life. God will take the hurt away from you the moment you stop identifying with it. The desire for Liberation is the ultimate desire above all other desires. It is the desire that remains when all else falls away. While resting as Awareness I felt Love working its way completely melting the hurt and suffering away rather rapidly. After a minute or two is was mostly back to Blissful Consciousness. There was still more to Purify.

 

The evening continued and the relationship thing kept coming up over and over. I was chatting on MSN with an old friend whom at one time I considered having a relationship. I got caught up in the old desire of being in a relationship with her. She is a friend and I do deeply care about her, but I could see the desire molding my thoughts and actions. Giving into it definitely brought my energy levels down. I wasn’t feeling Bliss so much anymore after that. Giving into the desire was suffering for me. That is another thing I have noticed along the way. The deeper I have gone into Enlightenment the less room there is for holding onto to illusion…. in this case the desire for my friend. The really dense illusion like depression and apathy goes first, but the less dense illusion is felt to be suffering too so I let that go as well. The desire for a relationship might seem like a simple thing it is a big thing for me. After having really sat in Bliss for countless hours there is nothing of the world that is fulfilling. It is a distraction of suffering rather than just be my Self. That isn’t saying a reject the possibility of a relationship the desire and attachment to it is suffering.

 

I worked on Purifying the desire before I slept. It was still clinging when I feel asleep. Waking up in the morning the desire for liberation really intensified. The suffering from the night before made that desire stronger. It became a laser like focus as I prepared for work. I had to raise my consciousness up to where I wasn’t identifying with the mind, body and emotions so much. It wasn’t until I got to work that there was a real falling away. I could really just identify as Pure Blissful Consciousness. I notice the more that I identify as being Pure Blissful Consciousness the more clear Everything becomes. It also becomes so much easier to just surrender all the illusion to Grace too. It is amazing how fast Purification can occur now. Purification before would take hours on some things to even get to feeling a bit of ease.

 

Well that’s it for today. Will see what comes for tomorrow. May we all be the Pure Joy that we are! Om Shanti Shanti Shanti!