It should be noted that a few weeks prior I had a discussion with an old friend and his girlfriend, who also do spiritual work. They shared information that was received for me from them that there was a device, an implant of some kind that was placed there from a past life. They said that it could have to do with self worth but its main function was as a training device of some kind. It was to stay in place so as to keep me from losing my mind or "going crazy" while I was awakening from my old paradigms to the present one.
Previous to that, I had been on a spiritual path that was leading me into new areas of awareness. One being feelings. A year or so previously, I had begun paying close attention to my feelings. Listening with my ears and my body for answers to questions. There was a space of time between the observation of something (anything really) and my reaction or thoughts that would come about because of it. A small space where I was accepting the experience for what it is without instant judgement or even consideration. More like just saying internally, alright, thank you for showing me this, now what.
If there was a question asked of me, like "Do you want to hang out tomorrow?" I wouldn't think about what the answer should be, or anything, I simply gave myself the space to find the answer. "Yes" I would reply and then when time came to hang out, I would bring myself without ready set expectations of what will be, without judgement when I got there and I would consciously pay attention to what we were doing in that moment from the perspective of my entire body and not just the position within my mind space.
The space inside the mind seems to be a favorable place of retreat and for some it is simply the result of habitual behavior. We have a tendency to "escape" within the confines of our mind for whatever reason, especially like when we are driving or doing repetitive or mundane tasks. This may be a fun place to retreat to since you have full or seemingly full control of what you experience or imagine experiencing.
Journeying inside the mind can be a wonderful experience, but to a mind that is unhealthy, it can be painful and even more inescapable. Memories play and replay within the mind, pulling with them feelings of the experience from the past into the present moment where everything in life is experienced. So remember when looking backward that the simple act of remembering, is like reliving only on a personal, individual level. The data being played will be as accurate or skewed as the person experiencing it. So if at the moment of the memory, you were in the past thinking about something else, then those experiences, feelings and such link up as well.
For one whose mind is clear, thoughts play but in a way that best suits the observer. That is, information plays when it needs to and not when it is unwanted or "unconscious", therefor one may choose to travel in thought to the past to feel the old feelings again, but only so they can be processed and released, so as not to clutter up active mind space. You don't have to "think about it" in order to understand or learn something, the best way is to experience it, then process it and then let it go.
It should also be noted that thoughts can be both verbal (voices; thoughts containing sounds making words) and/or visual (visions; a picture or image playing in the mental viewer). One could have an experience of hearing a voice calling their name, upon recalling the event, one might recognize the voice to be of a parent. One may want to consider what feelings they had once hearing this or what other images flashed in the mind. Is this voice linked to anything? Is there processing that needs to be done with this experience? The mind would not bring it to your attention if it did not serve a purpose.
Visions contain far more data than words. One could have an experience of seeing something akin to a vision in their mental place and that one visual image contains an infinite amount of information. The soul doesn't speak English or French or whatever, it speaks in symbols, images, or pictures. There is no interpretation to be made necessarily, only describing it with words can be difficult.
The idea is to continue having new information brought to your attention or awareness. If you are caught on "repeat" then to me, that means perhaps you have things that need to have your careful attention. Once those things are experienced for whatever purpose your mind/body/soul requires and the lesson is learned, then it will cease. You will have grasped from the experience whatever you needed to and therefor it will no longer need to serve you.
Be thankful for your thoughts, feelings and experiences, for that is what life is all about. These are tools, they are not you. They serve a specific purpose and that is evolution of the mind/body/spirit. If you aren't using them as a tool, they may very well end up using you as one.
So even as the answers or total explanation for any given experience still may elude me, I rest in the fact that in time all questions will be answered, all reasons explained and all knowing incorporated for the highest possible purpose. My experience of the being of golden light, healing whatever it was in my shoulder, serves whatever purpose it was meant to. Perhaps a purpose was simply to help me put these thoughts to paper, I don't know. Perhaps the purpose was what it was on its face, a healing opportunity given and granted by a being of light and unknown origin. It doesn't matter really, because I have no judgement of it, simply the observation and now the memory of the experience.
You are infinitely more than thoughts, feelings or experiences but I can not tell you who you are, you must seek that out for yourself.
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