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Why I am leaving the Empire, by Darth Vader. !!!

Why I am leaving the Empire, by Darth Vader

14-03-12

TODAY is my last day at the Empire.

 

'I no longer have the pride, or the belief'


After almost 12 years, first as a summer intern, then in the

Death Star and now in London, I believe I have worked here long

enough to understand the trajectory of its culture, its people and its

massive, genocidal space machines. And I can honestly say that the

environment now is as toxic and destructive as I have ever seen it.

 

To put the problem in the simplest terms, throttling people with your

mind continues to be sidelined in the way the firm operates and

thinks about making people dead.

 

The Empire is one of the galaxy's largest and most important

oppressive regimes and it is too integral to galactic murder to continue

to act this way. The firm has veered so far from the place I joined right

out of Yoda College that I can no longer in good conscience point

menacingly and say that I identify with what it stands for.

 

For more than a decade I recruited and mentored candidates,

some of whom were my secret children, through our gruelling

interview process. In 2006 I managed the summer intern program in

detecting strange disturbances in the Force for the 80 younglings

who made the cut.

 

I knew it was time to leave when I realised I could no longer

speak to these students inside their heads and tell them what a great

place this was to work.

 

How did we get here? The Empire changed the way it thought about

leadership. Leadership used to be about ideas, setting an example

and killing your former mentor with a light sabre. Today, if you make

enough money you will be promoted into a position of influence,

even if you have a disturbing lack of faith.

 

What are three quick ways to become a leader?

a) Execute on the firm's 'axes', which is Empire-speak for persuading

your clients to invest in 'prime-quality' residential building plots on

Alderaan that don't exist and have not existed since we blew it up.

b) 'Hunt Elephants'. In English: get your clients - some of whom are

sophisticated, and some of whom aren't - to tempt their friends

to Cloud City and then betray them.

c) Hand over rebel smugglers to an incredibly fat gangster.

 

When I was a first-year analyst I didn't know where the bathroom was,

or how to tie my shoelaces telepathically. I was taught to be concerned

with learning the ropes, finding out what a protocol droid was and

putting my helmet on properly 

so people could not see my badly damaged head. 

 

My proudest moments in life - the pod race, being lured over

to the Dark Side and winning a bronze medal for mind control

ping-pong at the Midi-Chlorian Games - known as the Jedi Olympics -

have all come through hard work, with no shortcuts.

 

The Empire today has become too much about shortcuts

and not enough about remote strangulation.

It just doesn’t feel right to me anymore.

 

I hope this can be a wake-up call. Make killing people in terrifying

and unstoppable ways the focal point of your business again.

Without it you will not exist. Weed out the morally bankrupt people,

no matter how much non-existent Alderaan real estate they sell.

And get the culture right again, so people want to make millions of

voices cry out in terror before being suddenly silenced.


http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/why-i-am-leaving-the-emp...

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sounds like something i read on the nytimes recently...?

"Why I am leaving Goldman Sachs by Greg Smith"

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/14/opinion/why-i-am-leaving-goldman-...

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