Parenting in Difficult times

[General exchange of information and articles]

I know that there are a lot of you out there that are experienced and wonderful parents. I am putting this discussion here today because I am struggling as a mother with a young teen daughter.  Don't get me wrong, she is a very responsible 13 year old and a wonderful daughter.  The problem is that money is very tight right now and she just doesn't seem to get that.  I have explained it over and over and every time she seems to understand.  But now  her birthday is coming up in January and once again the fantasy of having a big expensive Birthday Party is being pushed at  me.  All of her friends are from families that have financial abundance....and we cannot keep up obviously.  Big sigh.  It makes me feel like a loser. We are the only family that doesn't go on holidays, no car, no this no that.   Mind you she had a phone and lost it....a note book computer and damaged the adaptor....so I do feel like I have provided in vain. 

My history is different from my children's,  I had a prosperous childhood but lived in poverty as a teen.  I didn't have friends because my father, well, strongly discouraged it.  But as a teen, I never asked for anything knowing my dad didn't have money.  I didn't even have a 16 party and I don't recall any gifts. There fore when I hear she is just a teen I don't understand that logic.

So any works of parental wisdom would be greatly appreciated.  I thank you in advance.

Much Love  paTricia

[Antonela Di Filippo]

I agree with Simone there... Pat, I know it must be hard to make her understand but lets not understimate her openess, maybe is her only way to let those feelings out, maybe she does understand but doesn't mean she is still not angry about it... She still doesn't know about money, and that "it doesn't grow in trees" (as my mom used to say to me...) Ask her what she wants, if is there a theme or something... we can give you ideas and if you all work togheter it will work, dont get frustrated about it my friend... Give us the info I will try to help you my best... =) Much Love

[ૐ Daisy ૐ]

Aww ya i hear ya.. Just know that u are a awesome mom...and im sure she will have a fun party... Some times its fun just to let her have a slumber party... Rent some movies..etc

[Simmy]

I agree with all the comments here, PT. I have a 13 year old boy. It is a bit different but we also had to be honest about budgeting. they are big enough to understand that. On his 13th birthday we gave him an option of a football party with no more than 5 friends + very "small" present or what we'd spend with the party as a present. He chose to have the money for himself. He also has (mostly) friends from "well off" families that have the parties AND the nice presents, but he knows our reality and he understands. I suppose we feel worse than them because we'd really like to give them all they want, but even if I had financial abundance I wouldn't give everything he wants. I don't think this is the best way to teach them values. He has an example very close to home in form a friend that has everything but craves for a little bit of his father's attention. Sometimes he calls my son crying, saying his parents don't give a s*** about him. It breaks my heart, but I point that out to my son (who has a father that is his best friend and is always with him) that no one has everything and the most important thing is the good, old "we have each other".
I am sure your daughter will have the best birthday ever with a loving mom like you PT!

[Antonela Di Filippo]

Its great that she understands it Pat, she will realise with time that real friends will ever judge you for what you HAVE, they will love you for what you ARE, and its the exact same age I learnt about that as well... =) Lessons, Lessons, what would life be like without them...? =)