*All names have been changed for privacy*
During the hardest point of my life I started to see that changes needed to be made in order for me to move forward. I have always been a very spiritual person and knew that something had to be done if I wanted to make changes within my life. After going through life changing events I thought I had found exactly what I had been wishing for...my dream come true.
I left Tn and my abusive ex husband behind with 2 suitcases, a bag and $200 not knowing what the San Luis Valley would hold for me. All I knew is that I would be staying with Tobias, whom I met off of Indigo Society and a couple that called themselves Mother and Father God. I had been told that the living quarters would be very simple and that everything was split equally within this small community. It was also explained to me that they followed the Universal Truth of Unconditional Love and were living within full consciousness.
When I first stepped off the plane and met Tobias, I felt uncomfortable since our only communication had been a few e-mails. I was also told that I had to e-mail Mother God personally and tell her why I wanted to move out there and explain where I was within my own spiritual development.
When I first arrived everyone greeted me with open arms. They gladly welcomed me into [I]The Kingdom of Heaven[/I] which as they explained is already here on earth. Through numerous conversations over the next month and a half I was provided with the [I]highest truths[/I] as they had experienced them.
As I have come to understand, the only qualifications to stay with them was that you show up and [I]participate[/I] in grounding in the energies. Though, in order to be present one had to first let go of all attachments and rid oneself of the ego. In order to face your attachments and beliefs they used a method that they called [I]ruthless compassion[/I]. They would point out all your ignorance and faults and throw them in your face. I experienced them doing this not only with the members there, but also on all the forums that we posted the messages to. We were all required to do this as well.
The messages that Mother God shared were beautifully written and spoke straight to the heart. The truths that everyone was equal and that everything is love would send chills through my body. I would find myself writing about my personal experiences as I went through my awakening process. Mother God would always have us read our messages so that certain words could be changed to match the highest truths.
After about a week I was placed in charge of making sure that the messages got posted on all of the various sites on the internet. I was dubbed the [I]Secretary[/I] of The Kingdom of Heaven. Tobias was known as the [I]President[/I] and Derek the youngest member was often referred to as either the[I]Joker[/I]or[I]the mental patient.[/I] After a few weeks my messages as well as Tobias's were being posted across all the forums. I would often times find myself taking fragments from conversations and expanding upon them with my own experiences in order to reach others.
Yet there is also a dark side to The Kingdom of Heaven that many don't ever get the chance to see. At first it did not bother me when pot was smoked or beer was drank. Though the longer I stayed the more frequent these events began to occur. I do not judge another person's actions, so I just went with the flow until other things started to unfold.
Now I began to notice odd behaviors such as calling Derek unworthy when he decided he no longer wanted to smoke or drink with them. They made his [I]ego[/I] feel guilty because of this decision. They felt that pot opened them up to higher levels of consciousness and would allow them to be able to speak the universal language of feeling easier.
After witnessing what they call ruthless compassion against his ignorance, it changed the way I viewed their messages. I will not go into all the details but they treated him like a child. They decided that because he was so [I]unconscious[/I] that he not was allowed to make any decisions on his own. They decided that the best method to cure his ignorance was to use discipline. I personally watched a drunken Father God grab Derek up by the front of his shirt and pull him face to face and yell "You are not in control here, I am".
This was the turning point for me, since they would say over and over again that you can never be in control of anything, that creation always happens in the present and it can not be controlled. This was the first contridiction that I experienced. There messages speak of Unconditional Love, but using there own words "there is no love for ignorance". Yet what I have experienced is that their concept of ignorance and ego is everything that does not agree with their beliefs. They were always promoting the concept that all beliefs had to be let go of...yet their beliefs are ok to hold on to......it makes no sense at all. This is the same concept that they would call Spiritual Ego. (When you jump out of your box but do not realize that you are still in a slightly larger box). That they are fully enlightened and have all the answers to help everyone else.
What I found fascinating is their wanting to keep all the members out of mainstream society as much as possible. No one was allowed to have a job because it was a distraction to being present. I was told that I only wanted to have a job because I wanted to try and [I]save[/I] people. Yet what I noticed is that their concept of [I]ruthless compassion[/I] is meant to try and save people. They force a person to look at their ego and ignorance so that they can go through them, but is that trying to force them into moving forward?
It took awhile before the time was right and I could leave. Derek had been wanting to leave for quite awhile but they kept telling him that if he left that his situation would be even worse. He was told that his Mother would suck him dry of energy, that all the unconscious people around him would project all their [I]stuff[/I] onto him. They even accused him of having a Messiah complex and really wanted to try and save all the people back where he was from. That he wanted to go back into society pretending that he was an enlightened master. Could this be projections of what they were doing themselves?
After a few weeks Derek packed up his belongings so that he could leave. We were headed into town and when they found out he was planning to leave they refused to even allow him into the car. They made the decision that if he wanted to leave that he would have to find his own way, that they would not help him do so. About an hour later I had access to a computer and e-mailed a friend to have someone go pick him up before we got back to the house. A few hours later I got myself out as well.
After this experience, I can say that I've learned quite a bit. They speak so much of truth, but they do not put what they preach into practice. They say that you can not save other people but they push others to awaken. I guess I will never understand all these contradictions.
All I can say is that this was a once in a lifetime experience. I have seen and experienced events that have completely changed who I am. I have no regrets about any decisions I have made within my life. Happiness and love are feelings that start from within, love yourself and you will never have to seek love and acceptance from outside of self.
Love, Truth and Light,