heart versus head

[Ninie]

It is only since the last 3 months that I started feeling reluctant of going to the office. Before I enjoyed it. Now it seems 'wrong'. I am surrounded with people who place hughe importance to having the most expensive car, the newest sunglasses, going to the best (read expensive) restaurant, etc. They don't care about working late... no... job comes first, then family. I have been like this, but now I sometimes reflect in disbelief to the fact that I have really been like that. And now in this very short period of human time, well, they would say I have become a "hippie" (no offense here, just using their terminology). I found myself stuck between my heart and head now so to say. My heart says: resign, stay home with your baby, look for another job with colleagues that seem to understand the true meaning of life. The head (ego?) says: "well babe, that's just how it is, we all need a job to put food on the table so face it and stop dreaming about higher energies and saving mother earth."
Do you sometimes have this feeling? Does anyone have any advice to make the best decision here? Should I just ignore the brain/ego, resign and see whatever new path I will encounter? But we cannot deny that at this time money still makes the work go round, right? I mean, we need money to buy food... It's just, sometimes it feels like as if their negativity is just tapping away the positive vibrations I started feeling, they make me tired. I know how to maintain positive, how to achieve it, but at this point it seems like as if I am just not strong enough yet to cope with all their "harming and negative" energies. So... help...

[RL]

I have this feeling everyday since I knew about oct 14.
LOL. I have this inexplicable need to go into agriculture or to plant stuff.

perhaps you could freelance, or do part-time work. Best of both worlds!

I've been thinking of freelancing for a few months now, but I'm going to work a few more months to build a sort of nest egg first...
If you think you can't, you CAN :)
Disengage from the negative!

[Ullan]

Dear Ninie.

As I write this, I realize you may already have gone back to your job, and so I will send my positive thoughts and strength to you at the same time. But that is not the point of this message. What I am trying to achieve, what I am trying to say, with the help of that which guides my words in these cases, is that the struggle between heart and ego is a very old and complex one.

Depending on which point of view you hold over this matter, either the heart is the true seat of our wisdom, or the heart is the center of our energy being. The ego, as most people eventually realize during the course of their lives, is an artificial construct placed upon us by society. Its driving motive is fear.

I cannot help but notice in your message that you have the strong urge, almost the inexplicable drive, to do something more fulfilling on a spiritual level and leave behind you the constant ratrace of material gain, internal competition and the relentless pursuit of money. But at the same time, your ego overrides this by inserting thoughts of fear into your consciousness, a fear that if you do not continue to do as it commands, you will lose your livelihood, you will be impoverished and, most sinister of all, it would have you believe that you would no longer be able to provide for your children.

It is understandable to lend credence to these thoughts in the current climate, where fear and the shattering of the financial world has us all wondering what is going on and how this illusion could so violently shatter, with the leaders of the world unable or unwilling to contain it. But this is, ironically, also the time to follow your heart. The illusiong /has/ been shattered, and it now falls onto us to make something of it. The ego simply cannot follow this reasoning, and reverts back to its original programming of fear to keep control.

Never before has the energy of the heart been strong enough to override the ego on such an unprecedented scale. Ultimately, the decision is up to you as to whether you change your state of being and look for a more fulfilling endeavor to pursue, or if you change your state of being and stay where you are /but/ with the new found knowledge that what you are doing and what you see around you is not all there is and act accordingly.

What matters at this juncture is that you are willing to change, and that you have understood that not only you /feel/ like you want a change, but also that a change is /possible/. Had I told you this four month ago, I'm sure you would have dismissed this message out of hand.

Be what you feel you wish to be, but do so in your own time, and on your own terms. By seeing through the illusion of the system, you have already beaten it. See your job now for what it is, a simple means to provide for yourself and your family, not as the all consuming behemoth that it used to be. And if that no longer suffices for you to remain in that position, change it. Ultimately, all choices are up to you, and all changes associated with them are yours to pursue.

Walk with your eyes open,

Namaste.

P.S. I don't know who wrote this message. I simply closed my eyes and put my hands on the keyboard. This is the first time that something this lucid has written itself this way, and I'm a bit freaked out atm.

[Ninie]

Ullan said:

Dear Ninie.

As I write this, I realize you may already have gone back to your job, and so I will send my positive thoughts and strength to you at the same time. But that is not the point of this message. What I am trying to achieve, what I am trying to say, with the help of that which guides my words in these cases, is that the struggle between heart and ego is a very old and complex one..... Dear Ullan

The moment I read your first sentence, I felt an energy I had never felt before here. As a matter of fact, I have only had this kind of feeling when reading the GFOL messages on Blossom Goodchilds' site. I indeed read this now, as I am back home from the office. And I think somehow some energy must have helped me in a very positive way. This morning I went to my boss and told him I'd like to work part time. I have been playing with this idea for only a week, and this morning I just walked up to my bosses office and told him this, like as if I was pushed by something. (normally I would have thought such things over and over and have it discussed with my partner). He gazed to me in surprise; then gave me a broad smile and said: "phew, I thought you came in here to resign, you had me there for a moment. Jees. If that is what you truly wish, we will discuss this matter. I am sure we can find a solution." And to make a story a bit shorter; it seems like as if it will be granted to me and I don't even have to give in that much. My partner was very surprised when I called him and told him what I had decided and discussed, but funny enough he sounded relaxed and relieved in a way. As if "all is falling into place". So, thank you Ullan (and that force behind/in you)!! and thank you Reb Ling and Sleepy Amethyst!! You have been of great assistance! NAMASTE!!!! :-))

[Sanat]

Be happy that your Heart functions so well that you are actually conscious of it! This is a very rare trait in this world. Very rare indeed... The way of the Heart (or what feels right) is what I recommend. It takes trust/faith to step into the "unknown" like that. But in my experience, the Heart is always right. You cannot really go astray if you trust the Heart. Most people are already so far off that they don't know anything about any Heart. They lost that connection eons ago. What such people think is of no importance to a person that has Heart. I wish you the best of luck on you Journey!

Love,

Sanat

[RL]

Wow i'm so happy for you, I'm smiling to my computer screen!

[Ullan]

Dear Ninie.

I am utterly delighted to hear that things have improved so dramatically for you in such short a timespan. I still do not know what part of me wrote that message, but as is often the case in these circumstances, I am very glad that it did.

*edited after writing: the following section was again written in the same way as the original message.*

Follow your heart. Take heed of what has transpired today and know that the journey of the heart cannot be hindered by the ego unless you allow it to do so. From you shines a light, from all of us shines a light, and it is but a case of taking off the shade and allowing it to shine into the darkness for your path to be lit from now into infinity. The light contained in your heart is pure, as it is for all, and the path it illuminates is true. At branches you must choose, but your heart will always clearly show you the choices ahead. Let your ego scream in frustration as it loses this long battle with the light, and be safe and secure in the knowledge that your heart is true, and is there to guide you through the darkness.

*edited after writing: I'm back at the helm*

Namaste.

[Bobert]

Same boat. I'm studying to be an electrical engineer. I love to learn but school.... i have no more drive to follow school and do homework. They teach you to regurgitate instead of teaching you to think. I find myself day dreaming, thinking about how to enjoy, to live, not exist.