Floods of uncontrollable tears........

[torz]

Guys, i'm having a really hard time over the last few days but particularly today.... I just need a friend who I can talk to who won't immediately poo poo what I am talking about...

I have done soooooo much research over the last 3 months that my head is swimming with info... (or opinions as my partner likes to put it)

The path that we are choosing to believe/remember is a very lonely one, that at times I do question what I am doing....... I just know/feel that all of what is happening, all that I am reading/researching is telling me/connecting with me on a deeper level than everything around me...

Some days it becomes an obsession (but i still manage to get the housework done and do all the other things I need to do) and it is causing many rows with my partner but I have tried to explain to him what I think is happening whilst not invalidating his free will..... but it's so hard to be constantly ridiculed and told that its all someones opinions and not fact... I find nothing else interests me anymore, I have wanted to start down this path all of my life, I never fitted in anywhere and now I feel as if I do but its sooooo hard to do it almost alone and when your 13 yr old lad starts taking the piss out of you too, well.....sometimes I just want to walk away from them all....

But I have this sneaky suspicion that this time I'm not supposed to run and hide and start again and that I HAVE to work it out and it is part of my karmic clearing, facing the ridicule and standing firm for what I believe in....

Any thoughts???

[Trudy]

See it as a natural healing. My last crying was at 11-11-2008. I try to meditate but there where only tears so many tears
I couldn't stop them. Now there is more headache and at one time I had a big rush in the right ear. I'll go with the flow..
My son of 15 talks to me as if I am crazy and then I tell him why do you watch so much Dragon BallZ in matter of fact its all the same. You'd like it so much because in your heart you want it to be true. And then he is silence.

But I understand you its very difficult to have the feeling of no respons in your own home, but please do understand that we are all one even the people in disbelieve. So let go those tears they are healing you...

Light and Love and dont forget many laughters for you dear Torz

Trudy

[torz]

Thanks for all your kind words guys, its been one hell of a week and as yet its not gettuing any easier really..... I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall sometimes.... and I've said " OK I won't talk about it" but then I get it thrown back in my face again and again, making me feel guilty for doing something I am passionate about....
I bet if I was doing a "proper" college degree I wouldn't get even an eye lid blinked at........
The negative vibes are draining me totally... how am i supposed to be loving to someone who unconsciously is sending angry, negative waves of emotion towards me....
That is something I have always had but just recently it's 100% more intense and its hard dealing with it and keeping a clear head...
Torz xx

[arash]

Dear Torz,
i have an idea. it's just that, so take it for what it's worth. i've found the same struggles in my path to enlighten anyone who will listen. they view me on the edge, but i've never felt so grounded. so here it is..
sit down your husband and children and tell them that you want to share your truth with them, for it is all you know. MAKE them sit down and watch these two videos.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6151699791256390335&ei=...
and
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1895475242307393956&ei...

this is an 8-hour lecture on the true physics of our universe. if they want facts, this will do. now, i know it's long, but they owe you a lot for being the wonderful mother/wife that i'm sure you've been. so perhaps you can make a deal, watch the first two hours then see how they feel.
make sure they know how important this is to you and all you ask is for them to listen.
softly point out how they want to make fun while they are unwilling to educate themselves. so it's time for them to put their money where their mouths are.
if/when they understand the true nature of our reality, well, point out how it is a package deal. all the theory or none.
anyway, hope this helps!

-walk tall, laugh often,
-arash.

[Andy (UK)]

I think this is part of the process, I keep having fits of anger outbursts, sadness.
The more I think of this all the more it upsets me.
I feel scared for my little boy who is only 5, how can I protect him?
We are getting into something which no one around us understands, they just cast us off as lunatics.
Hang in there, Im sure all will become more apparent what role we play in all this.
I'll be happy enough that my role is just to help my son ascend and to protect him, once he has ascended i dont care what happens to me, ascend or stay, i will deal with whatever situation arises.....

[LightsEdge]

My take on it your life partner's view of reality is not compatible with the view of reality that you are changing to day by day. It will naturally create friction. I can understand you feel a great interest to talk about it with him. Doing so will only cause him to react defensively. The first instinct of the ego is always to react and thus project. You could say he is quite predictable in this way. He may or may not be willing to work on his reacting for the sake of the relationship. That is a choice only he can make. At the same time for you it is not healthy to not pursue this path that you so much feel is your life's work. You will not be content with doing this for the sake of another. The current friction is the source of the distress.

How do you resolve the friction? What you really need to do is sit down and really talk with your life partner openly about what is really happening between you two. For a healthy relationship he needs to understand the friction that is happening between you on some level. He also needs to be open and honest about what he really wants from you. Based upon your words it feels there is a great deal of leading and manipulation happening. He is not saying it, but he wants you to be taking a different path. Your current path is not they way he wants things. Try to see if he is open to deep meaningful conversation on the issue. Don't talk about what you are learning when you are doing it. Just get to the bottom of what do you both want and see if you can come to an agreement... a middle way of what you both want. Then the friction will stop and you both can heal. Remember to be gentle and respectful of his views otherwise he may react and not get down to telling you what he really wants. Listen to him and try to understand reality as he sees it.

If I can be of any help at all please write me.
Love,
-le

[Kedain]

My girlfriend is a very hardcore sceptic. In fact she posts anti federation of light blogs XD I try to laugh along and things, but it is hard when you feel the way you feel deep inside, and you've gotta keep things secret from the one you love.

Hang in there love. We're rooting for us all! :)

[buddha boy]

lots of people have an extreme reaction to this info,anger,disbelief or just make fun of it,this is to be expected and its a sigh that you are chalenging their belief systems and forcing them to realise theres subjects more intersting than that bloddy x factor!! bashar says if we want enlightment,lighten up,on ourselves,this helps me every day now hope it might do the same for you

[Ninie]

Yep, my partner also thinks I am losing it. But fortunately he respects the fact that we can all exercise the "hobbies" we want to do. But once and a while he calls me a hippie or a schizo, things like that - fortunately with a smile on his face. But I have stopped talking to him about it, he really can't follow the idea that we have been living in a lie. That we are capable of many more good things. Maybe you need to have a talk with your husband. Tell him you need the space/freedom for your queste, describe it to him as a hobby as you will, maybe then it will be easier for him to deal with the idea. Don't force too much info on him, he is clearly not ready yet. But don't worry, I am pretty confident you shine your light in the house, in your family. Whether he wants it or not, believes it or not, he will be affected by it. Let him take the ride on the vibrations on his pace. Be his silent beacon. Love

[Juliet]

HI Torz
Sorry to see you are feeling sad
I also have a husband who doesnt share my views on life
I get called a weirdo and a hippy all time, I chose to laugh along with him. It doesnt matter, laughter is good.
I have a dear friend who calls me a "vegetarian, do goody, left wing wimp who is an aging hippy" he's always called me it..so I had it as my status on myspace for years...it doesnt bother me at all..its probably quite accurate actually. nad I know he loves me really...his actions over the years have proven that.

With my husband, he doesnt want to know about it because it scares him I think..he likes life to be simple. He works hard and doesnt want to be bothered with anything that challanges his perception of things
He used to get cross and bothered when I tried to force the information on him, I didnt realise I was doing it at the time, I was just excited and wanted to share..so I stopped ..and carried on quietly
And now, he will sometimes ask me what I am reading or watching, and I will tell him in the simplest lighthearted terms,,,sometimes he'll listen and sometimes he'll just roll his eyes and say more mumbo jumbo then? lol ..but sometimes he suprises me and says something like "could be" or "you never know do you?"
I try not to bombard him with it,,but he does soemtimes buy me a book or something he thinks will interest me,,normally giving it to me by saying "I saw this weird book, and though of you"

Everybody is different, and I think you have to give everybody space to follow their own path, whilst being willing to guide them if they want guiding

it is frustrating, and it can be lonely..but stick with it..have the courage of your convictions, and remember just because somebody rejects your views, it doesnt mean they reject you

At least now, you have this place here, with so many people who understand your views :)

Much love
xxxx