My mood changes alot. Yesterday i was happy, i was learning alot of cool things. Today i just woke up depressed, drained, i just didn't want to talk to anyone. I know why as well. Everytime i get my hopes up, by trying a new technique, trying to quiet my mind, try to talk to anyone out there that can help me ascend, i dont get anything. Nothing. For six months i have followed this. I agree with the truth and a the wild outlandish story that goes along with this cult. But today i just woke up, and thought whats the point? why bother? Its not like anythings worked so far, it's not like there's a shred of comprehensible proof about this cult, although from a year of studying its pretty probable.
Im just frustrated cause Ive been with this for six months now and the only difference i feel is im less judgmental( and weirdly my eyesight has improved). I cant channel although Ive tried it, quite a few times, the frequencies don't do jack s**t to me, not even a head ache.. I cant meditate though Ive tried like a billion times. Ive read all the stories, tried directly asking the gfol or anyone who new me in a past life to come forward and tell me what direction i should be going in, how can i connect to my higher self, but nothing.
My whole time here Ive learned alot of stories, but that's all im seeing. Stories! i cant base any of this on fact if i cant feel it myself. I'm like Christianity's Judas. I cant fully beleive something unless i see it working to some degree with my own eyes.
There so many people going oh how wonderful i can talk to trees, i can see auras, i talked to my dead grandmother, my spirit guides contacted me, i know my past life ect.
NOTHING. I mean nothing out of the ordinary has happened to me at all. Im starting to think the higher beings just don't give a s**t about me.
PROVE ME WRONG HIGHER BEINGS. SHOW ME SOMETHING! i dare you!
God ive been screaming inside for years for someone to show me that there's at least a little bit of magic in this world, and not just corrupt politicians, and assholes who only want my money. I feel like im slipping back into my depression again, and i don't want to be back there.
Im starting to think the whole concept of religion is just a weakness of man for his inability to accept that we really are alone.