hi .. i didn't want to post this and i may be wrong on much of what all i write here .... but this is the only place that i can do so ... so here goes ..
i wrote this sometime back --
why can't i make decisions ... ? maybe i know the answer to this ... when i talk to someone , i am left with only three options, if i ever want to talk to him/her ... either i can say, that i will be able to do something, or i can say that i will not be able to, or i can say that i don't know .. if i say, i won't be able to, all everyone will say is don't underestimate yourself ... if i say i will be able to, everyone will think that i talk about myself, and say i am a muhphat (they'll say that i talk about everyone in front of everyone, without thinking where and how to open my mouth ...), also, i won't be able to do that thing .. happens with everyone, everytime .. the titanic sank, because everybody said it couldn't .... if i say i'll do something , i am not able to .. so i am left only with one option, that is to say that i don't know if ill be able to do it .. !! and that proves that i won't be able to make decisions anytime .... if i am unable to decide which decision to make in this situation, i won't ever be able to decide anything in my life ... and that makes me undecisive ..
but what if i stop talking about myself and start talking about them ?? but then they think that i am making fun of them .. !! so what do i do ... ? no one listens to my theories ... am i the one who is unaware ... ? but they don't care about anything .. !
someone who is happy, doesn't care about people; while someone who cares about everyone a lot is sad :( .. but how to care about everyone, and still be happy ? ... is this why they say, love yourself .. ?
but why do i shout? .. maybe i want to be myself and everyone wants me to be someone else, or rather, themselves ..