I use this blog because it one of the only places i can come to that people listen and genuinely care. I write this becuase i am really hurting right now. Ive never had the effects of heartbreak hit me so bad. I cant eat because it feels like there's a stab wound in my stomach, I cant sleep until i pass out because i can only think about her, and how i want her back so bad. if i wake up, i can never get back to sleep. Ive started shaking, my body feels so weak. I guess ive never loved anyone as much as i loved her. She really was my angel, She pulled me out of depression once before, made me so happy to be alive, but i fell back into to it.
When we started out everything was great, we had a year and a half together of bliss. We had plans to move to Scotland together. I got over there, found a job, and set up a place to stay, but she had lost her job over in the US, and couldn't afford to come over.
I came back for her. This is what got me into my depression. I missed my friends, and i had no direction. For a year and a half I worked a crappy job, But the only time i was truly happy was when i was with her.
I was depressed for a long long time, i did
nothing, I didn't feel worthy enough for her love or to love myself. i
stagnated, it effected our relationship. The only thing that has
triggered me to change and start living was her leaving me.
Thing is. I want her back more than anything. I love her with all of my
heart. I was devastated when she left, but more devastated that i could
have saved things but didn't see the light in myself to try. Well i feel
the light now. I see the light now, My heart is on fire and my flame
has awakened bursting forth like the Phoenix out of the ashes. I love
this girl more than anything i have ever loved ever. More than the sun
and the moon and the world. She is my world. Nothing would make me
happier than to put a ring on her finger, Nothing would make me happier
to see her happy. I want to see her laugh, i want to see her cry so i
can wrap my arms around her and make her know that everything is fine
because she will always have my love. I want to grow old,and have kids
Im starting therapy next week so hopefully my body will be able to function normally again. Im finally going back to college in January, If i start college i can get a start at my dads company where i will make enough money to support us both. Im turning my life around because i dont mant to be that person i was for a year. I want to be the person she deserves. I want to be the man shes always dreamed of. I will be that man. I love her so much. Getting her back is the only thing on my mind, and i 100% dedicated to that pursuit.
I am focusing all my intentions on being with her. I read the secret,
and watched the movie. I will make the universe work for me, because
this is the only thing i have felt this strongly about.
If you will, i want to ask for your assistance, from anyone that is willing to share their intention, to share their advice. I'm asking for the help of the saviors of earth community, to help me bend the universe to get her back to me. If you need an image, that is Her and I on my profile, shes the girl with the tiara. Please help me bring this miracle back into my life.
She is the other half of my soul. I know shes my soul mate. i love her with an undying unflinching passion.