A blank canvas. Why do I attempt this? Let's start at the beginning.
When this community was young, I joined. A young man with ideals, much anger within me at the way of the world, and no solutions but an eye for problems. As I became more active, some of you may remember my posts seemingly written by someone else halfway through. They were, in a sense. When the feeling came that something needed to be said, I closed my eyes and let my fingers do the typing.
Was this my subconscious or something else? I don't know for certain, except that the writing was always coherent and on topic. And yes, it's happening again now, except I'm mostly awake, my eyes are wide open, and I feel a presence near. I've felt this presence for the last few weeks, and I hope I'm not scaring it off now.
Guess I'm not...
So where am I now, what am I now? A slightly older young man, my anger is mostly gone, but I still don't have solutions. If anything, my eye for problems has only gotten sharper, as I observe the world and heed its flaws. To what end? I don't know.
Years ago I met a woman who intrigued me, and we spoke of things that do not normally come up in conversation. When we spoke at length, she became someone else. She began to smoke heavily, something she never did willingly but always kept a packet nearby for 'emergencies'. When we spoke, as sometimes happened as she spoke with others, she became White Snake. She was adept at the gypsy cards, but I refused a reading. Her deck disagreed and one card flew out, literally, to land at my feet. 'The Journey'.
'You are a light bringer', she said eventually, during a long evening forcibly spent together in a cold room in an empty train station. Things were said that have come to almost haunt me, words spoken that I didn't understand the meaning of until recently. As she predicted, we had to part ways, because my journey required me to travel on, to leave the land of my birth. I think of White Snake, and hope she has been reborn in the Dragon's Fire, a guidance given to her by her own mentor.
And now I sit here, regarding the patterns in my daily life. Lately things have happened with such regularity that coincidence can be statistically and mathematically ruled out. I see Raven and I see Crow. They see me in turn, and leave me feathers when I must take heed. On my path, even when I try to take a different route, there will be a feather for me at least once every day.
During the night I wake up and see the silhoutte of a presence near, evaporating as soon as I focus on it. It is peaceful and tranquil, and I've come to enjoy waking up to it. An energy shoots down my body and through my limbs as I wrote that.
So what is this then? I don't know for certain. Am I meant to be a 'channeler'? I don't think I could be, my mind is not structured enough. Things filter through, words, concepts, phrases, drawings, symbols, plans... languages.
In unguarded moments, when I'm relaxed, tired or not actively focusing my brain capacity to single task, I receive... things. I can walk home from work and have a flash of inspiration and write a new song. I can be sitting at a computer, like I am now, and feel words filtering through that sometimes write themselves.
Lately it comes as concepts, plans that may be but are perhaps too advanced for my current limited knowledge. A self perpetuating electric circuit. A jet engine that burns no solid fuel. Methods of propulsion, theories of flight, I feel like I may be going mad. I seem to have taught myself to draw schematics and write in koptic.
One thing I've learned over the years is that I should never be too proud to do two things: admit that I'm wrong, and ask for help.
So here it is, a snippet of my soul laid bare... If anyone out there knows about these things, or can offer me guidance in how to properly accept this information or guidance, exercises to undertake, perhaps a way to apply structure to this morass of information... please contact me.
I don't believe I'm a channeler. But what I believe may very well be irrelevant.